I choose to live free of fear 

Fear seems to be one of the most powerful tools being used against us. Fear of the unknown. Fear of people who look different. Fear of failure. Fear of whatever the news is peddling to get ratings. Fear of death. Fear of terror. Fear of fear.

Fear can be crippling and debilitating. It can stop us in our tracks. We won’t go here or there because of fear. We won’t welcome the stranger because of fear. We won’t trust who we really are with others because of fear. We won’t forgive others because of fear of being hurt again. It could go on and on…and often does.

In light of the reality that Jesus has said ‘Fear not, because I am with you until the end of the age…” I need to take a look at the fears that I allow to hinder me. Fear of failure. Fear of being irrelevant. Fear of being judged. Fear of rejection. My list goes on and on too…

In a post 9/11 world we are sold fear…and it’s a powerful sales pitch. But I choose to not let the powers that be of this world control me because I choose to live in freedom and courage. I choose to open my life to love, beauty, grace, hope, adventure, and joy. I will not allow the poison of fear to rob me of these things…and ultimately rob me of living the life of faith that I want to live.

I choose to celebrate life

Our country has been in various wars almost my whole life (or at least the threat of war), but none have been as center stage to me as the one that has lasted the last decade. On September 11, 2001 we saw the beauty of life violated in one of the worst ways. And it hasn’t stopped. The death toll as a result of the war on terror is sickening…many people, Americans and non-Americans alike, were innocent and the place they met their earthly end was not their choice.

Something in me truly hates this loss of life. Regardless of what side of the battle lines one is one. Something in me calls to me, “This is not the way it was meant to be.” Because this is not the way it was meant to be.

In the creation story in the Bible the only thing our Creator describes as ‘very good’ is human life. It is the only thing he chose to make in His image. The thought of one image-bearer betraying the life of another in any context is hard for me. Even in heinous circumstances I can’t rejoice in death…I feel hurt even when people reap what they sow…because I can almost imagine what life would be like if they had chose to sow something different.

9/11 has revealed to me the beauty of life. We even got a glimpse of this beauty in tragedy as we watched people willingly sacrifice their lives for another. (what a contrast…people taking life vs others sacrificing life) When life is lived sacrificially for another, in even the smallest of ways, we get glimpses of the beauty that this life was meant to be. These are shadows of the greatest sacrifice that Jesus willingly made…His great story is even great when we live it out in our unique ways. Jesus said that the things that His disciples (us) would do would be even greater than what he did…

So it’s because of this that I honor life…it’s beauties make me long for more…and it’s pains make me hunger for the perfection that Jesus has made a future reality.

I choose to let go of control

I’ve watched a lot of things about the attacks on September 11th. And one thing is abundantly clear: the people of New York did not see it coming. How could they? How could we? It’s just too awful to even imagine…much less to see and experience as some of my friends have.

This is true of most tragedies in life…we don’t see them coming. Despite our best efforts at control, we have to admit, we are not in control. My problem, as I’ve realized over the past couple of years, is that I’m a control freak. When it comes to the world around me, I like to be in the pilot’s seat, the cockpit, and behind the wheel….and sometimes navigating too.

But how can I live under the illusion of control after seeing what happened 10 years ago? I have to come to terms with this, I’m not in control of my own fate.

So where does that leave me? The opposite of control is not apathy…I say it’s active trust. This means taking advantage of every opportunity to do good and to trust God with my life…this means taking risks and trusting in God’s goodness. If I really believe in a good God, then I don’t merely resign myself to this, I rejoice in this. I would choose no other way even given the choice. (I think:)

So in a post 9/11 world I choose to give up control and the shades of control that I think that I can influence. Our world is bigger than I can see, and I can trust that the One whose eyes are big enough to see it all is watching over me.

I choose to put my faith in the Kingdom of Heaven

Since 9/11 the kingdoms of the world have been fighting…a lot. The US has been in the middle of a lot of it. From the UN to Iraq, and from Afghanistan to France, the US has had a lot of conflict. And not just about terror…also about money. Our world is in upheaval (and has been for a long time and will be until the end of this age).

I choose to believe to step back from the title of ‘American’ for a moment to see that I wear a greater title: Follower of Jesus, Child of God, Heir in God’s Kingdom, Ambassador of God’s Kingdom. Because of these greater titles I can’t allow my ‘lesser-than’ titles to dictate the way I live out the others. This isn’t because I don’t honor the United States or because I don’t like the United States. It’s just that the title of ‘US citizen’ gets lost in the light of the other identities that I have in Jesus. In fact, all other identities get lost in comparison.

So to that I say, I choose not to put my faith, belief, hope, or passion into any particular ‘kingdoms’ of this world…I choose to put my faith in the only Kingdom that has the power to bring peace, heal, forgive, give grace, give meaning, give hope, bring life, and unending joy…the one where Jesus is at the helm guiding us towards all the good that God has for the world.

I want to write in part because I don’t want to start on the 80+ emails in my inbox and party because I just want to prove to all 3 of you out there that I can still write on my blog.

Last week we had got the chance to go to Madrid and to a conference just outside of the city for 4 days. Along with another CA friend, we drove the 6-7 hours through the north of Spain to get there. I was happy to take the long way because in the 2.5 years we lived in France, we barely saw anything outside of Paris. And, to my delight, the drive was beautiful: mountains, mesas, castles, villages, snow, cherry trees, fields, canyons, Montserrat…Spain is a diverse place.

While in Madrid I went out with a few CA guys to a burger place (obsession) in Malasaña (a really cool neighborhood where our friends the Krulls live). That night we got into a pretty significant and lengthy conversation with two girls about Jesus, the church, and their experience growing up in a catholic environment. While Spain might be diverse geographically, the story of a control, shame, and guilt heavy religion is all too common. There is a lot more to the story, but in the end we were able to communicate that following Jesus isn’t about following a tradition or a set of laws that put you either in or out of the group going to heaven. It was an honor to being able to say to them that following Jesus is about waking up everyday, doing our best to hear God’s voice, to follow Jesus, and to live the way He would if he were alive today (aka Jesus living through us). I hope a light bulb went on for them…I hope that in some way the shame, guilt, and oppression of their past experience with Church went away and they could be freed to see Jesus for who He is…and to no longer see him as a dying man hanging on a crucifix who started a religion that made them feel bad about themselves.

I had another conversation a couple of weeks ago with a Catalan guy and after I told him what I am doing here, he immediately said, “You have a very hard job.”

He’s right. We do have a hard job, but it’s not an impossible one. There is a hunger for spirituality here and there are people that are open to Jesus when we free Him from stereotypes, painful religion, oppressive human control, and the non-relevant traditions of men. It is the Jesus who has been resurrected into life, defeating sin and shame, empowering us with wisdom, grace, and truth that I want to follow. I want to follow a man who has been freed so that I can be free. I think many others in Spain want the same thing….

These young girl’s arms mothered God in the flesh…in very difficult times. Her journey to Egypt and back makes our inter-continental flights with kids look like an hour massage. It’s not just she mothered Jesus as a baby, but it seems as though Joseph may have widowed her before Jesus was 30 (no mention of him in Jesus’ later life).

I’ve been thinking a lot about the character of God in the past week. To be honest, with the difficulties that we’ve had (relative to our lives of course) there have been times when I haven’t seen God as being for me the way that I once felt. I think that this is more about me and than God (imagine that…not so stunning of a conclusion).

But this season I’ve been drawn to remembering that it is God’s very nature to be for His creation. If there is anything that helps this argument it is this: God became one of us…not to teach himself anything about what it was like to be a human, but to teach us that he is willing to be a human to reach out to us. There are some things that I can get my head around, this is not one of them. If God is truly unimaginable, which I believe He is, then it is hard to fathom him choosing to become so tangible. If anything to become knowable in a new way.

So this season, my greatest gift was/is the gift of remembering (again). Remembering that God is for me(us). Remembering that God wants to know me(us). And that this creative force wants me(us) to continually know him in new ways.

ps…I wonder if to truly know is to fully trust…maybe for another post.

I really enjoyed this video from Steven Johnson from TED.com. It makes me want to pay more attention to random conversations I have, write more down, have the courage to follow my passion, and to drink more coffee. Enjoy

I find it weird that US would issue an ‘alert’ about possible terrorism in Europe. As I was reading this I was thinking,

“What are they expecting people to do with this information?”

Are they expecting us to be on the lookout for a potential terrorist while visiting the Eiffel Tower? Are we supposed to be profiling people while checking out the London Eye? Doesn’t this just kind of create a sense of hysteria?

I think it would be just as effective to say,

“There have been suspected terrorist acts happening in Europe. The State department wants you to know the potential realities of your travel abroad.”

But why a warning? Why all of the language around it? What can people really do about it? Or what action could we take?

It feels like the end result of all of this is fear, but why would I want to respond to something that I cannot effect or change with such a strong and controlling emotion? I don’t think I will…at least not right now.

Timelessness is something that people seem to be searching for a lot right now. To stay young, to stay relevant. But even the best products and people still grow old. The most slick and futuristic gadgets become irrelevant given a short amount of time…and getting even shorter month by month.

But these teachings of Jesus have stayed young…even reading them over and over again, as I have throughout my life, they still hit me in different ways with nearly each reading. Jesus created a worldview that wasn’t just radical for the Jews who first heard him when he was just 30 years old…this worldview is radical for me, a 30 year-old American-born, nomad living in Europe.

Well, at least they should be radical…and urge me on to being radical.

I like the phrase that an author used: Ordinary Radical (Shane Claiborne). I like this because the there is a truth hidden in it. That followers of Jesus should be radical. I ‘ve been using the word ‘rad’ for a long time…well used to use it (and still love the 80′s BMX Movie) But I hadn’t really looked up what it means. My computer’s definition of radical is: relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something.

I like that…affecting the fundamental nature of something. Jesus affected not only the fundamental aspects of Judaism, but also the very nature of being human. Truly radical.

I was watching a documentary about early Christianity the other night and it was saying that over 1/3rd of the earth’s population is Christian (including Catholics) and something didn’t add up. If 1/3rd of the world is following Jesus who was and still is a radical then why does the world not seem like it is constantly radically changing towards being good?

But I started down this rabbit trail because of something closer to home. I was talking with a friend yesterday and he was asking about what we’re doing and his words were, “you’re a radical man…” I didn’t feel like I deserved the title. And this morning I my reading about Jesus’ parables has kind of haunted me. I’ve been in survival mode the past number of months, but now I’m at a place of real inventory. I’m really processing this question: “What does it look like to be a follower of the radical Jesus?”

I think that it looks like generosity
I think that it looks like grace
I think that it looks like gratitude
I think that it looks like being willing to embrace hardship and suffering
I think it means choosing humility
I think that it means these things and a whole lot more…now that I am thinking about it.

I mean, as followers of Jesus our very role is to change the way the world around us to look the way God intended it…our role is to be radicals. Do we deserve the title?

If I had to choose: I would take one simple act of service to a person in need over singing 100 songs at a Christian rock/’worship event’

Let me expound…

I’ve been living in a place where I’m very removed from the Christian sub-culture of my past. I don’t often hear of the newest and ‘greatest’ trends ins Churchianity. And when I do get wind of these trends I’m often left feeling like Christianity is running on a newer, more clever, more ‘excellent’ treadmill that we’ve been running on for generations. While we get better and better at ‘doing Church’ we don’t make any real progress in being the ambassadors of Jesus that we’re beckoned/supposed/called/asked/left to be.

I was watching a video on youTube of a Christian rock concert that we now call a worship event. Worship leaders are the new Christian rock stars. I wonder how many ‘worship’ albums have been produced and sold in the past 5 years? The funny thing is that I’m having a hard time calling this a worship movement. It’s a movement, but of the consumeristic kind: consuming experience, consuming more musical gear, consuming more CD’s, consuming the latest trends…But I can’t call this a movement of true worship of God. Yes, it’s singing song to and about God, and this is a part of worship, but it’s not the full thing. It’s like a reading a restaurant menu out-loud and ordering the food, but not eating.

So here is what I’m not saying: I’m not saying that I don’t like singing as worship. I’m not saying that it’s not worship. I’m not saying that it is not beneficial. I’m not saying I don’t buy Christian worship albums that I like. I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate Christians who lead worship or make a living by leading worship.

I am saying that I have a growing concern that worship is a new form of consumerism that feels like the ‘right kind of spirituality’ for a demographic of people that prefer to ‘feel Jesus’ as opposed to living for and like Him. If our expressions of worship only move us into wanting newer/better/more exciting singing and music, then I don’t believe it’s really worship. True encounter with God draws us into being more like him: sent into the world to be messengers of promise, grace, love, hope, and forgiveness. If my singing and music were becoming idols in my life over-and-above following Jesus into the world then I would never pick up a guitar again. I’m not saying that as hyperbole. Better is one day fixating on the right things of God, than thousands elsewhere….

You may call me judgmental or whatever. I know that post like this runs that risk…critiquing worship. But if you feel defensive about this (as I do a little bit even myself) then I think there might be something to look at.

After all, we learn in scripture (Micah 6:8) what God requires of us: To do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly. I fail to see anything in there that says, “Let’s turn the amps up to 11 and rock out for Jesus.” But maybe that’s just me…

But if all that we say value isn’t practiced it means that there is room for something else in our lives…our real values. If someone were to look at my life, I wonder what they would say are my real values? I think I need to take some time to reflect on what my life is communicating that my values are and compare them to what I want them to be…maybe for another post…when I post next decade some time!

1. Got Married in 2001

2. Birth of my daughter in 2006

3. Birth of my son in 2009

4. Began authentic personal development towards Christ-likeness in 2001

I could write more about this, but I don’t have any pictures for it!

5. Identity reformed and challenged in 2006

6. Crisis of Calling in 2007-2008

7. Sold nearly everything and moved to Europe in 2005

(day we arrived in Paris on March 1, 2005)

8. Began Life in Ministry in 2001

(This picture isn’t from 2001, but is the only picture I could find from when I worked at the Gathering)

9. Moved to Barcelona in 2009

10. Began to lean into my ownership of my role as a man/husband/father in 2008

I know I’m not saying that quite like I’d want to, but towards the end of our season in the US I felt God bring a change in my attitude towards how I viewed my role in our family….and I began the journey of what it truly meant to put my wife and kids before my own desires. Now that I write it out I’m wondering if it should be higher up the list!

Ok…so there’s the great stuff of the decade for me. I can’t believe how differently I’m starting this decade than I did the last. I can’t imagine having us much life-change in the next ten years as I have these past ten! My hope for the next 10 years is that I’ll continue to have a life that tells a story worth sharing. The plan is to live in such a way that I’ll easily be able to pick 10 things to share about in 2020! And maybe if I go to the Hair Club For Men or The Bosley Institute I’ll have as much hair in 2020 as I did in 2000!