Archive for the 'Head to Fingers' Category

Values

Published
by
Justin
on February 21, 2010
in Head to Fingers
. 1 Comment

I was thinking the other night…Values aren’t really values until they are lived out. Until lived, they remain only aspirations. We (myself and Jen) have values that we want to live by throughout our lives (Service, Hospitality, Authenticity, Gratitude), but if we’re they are not being fleshed out in our lives, then we really can’t say they are values. Honestly, I think we’re doing ok with these…I’d say that we’re at 70% values, 30% aspirations…

But if all that we say value isn’t practiced it means that there is room for something else in our lives…our real values. If someone were to look at my life, I wonder what they would say are my real values? I think I need to take some time to reflect on what my life is communicating that my values are and compare them to what I want them to be…maybe for another post…when I post next decade some time!


Ten of the Most Significant Experiences in My Life This Decade

Published
by
Justin
on January 1, 2010
in Head to Fingers
. 3 Comments

I’ve had a super introspective day reflecting on the past 10 years of my life. From 20 to 30 there have been huge life events happen for me…I decided that it would be cool to write out a list of the 10 most significant experiences of the decade. And just for fun…I’ve found some pictures of me over the decade to go along with them. If it seems a bit narcissistic to put so many pictures of myself on my blog…forgive me. They helped me remember these seasons and I wish that I could have posted all of the pictures that I saw while looking for these!

1. Got Married in 2001

2. Birth of my daughter in 2006

3. Birth of my son in 2009

4. Began authentic personal development towards Christ-likeness in 2001

I could write more about this, but I don’t have any pictures for it!

5. Identity reformed and challenged in 2006


6. Crisis of Calling in 2007-2008

7. Sold nearly everything and moved to Europe in 2005

(day we arrived in Paris on March 1, 2005)

8. Began Life in Ministry in 2001

(This picture isn’t from 2001, but is the only picture I could find from when I worked at the Gathering)

9. Moved to Barcelona in 2009

10. Began to lean into my ownership of my role as a man/husband/father in 2008

I know I’m not saying that quite like I’d want to, but towards the end of our season in the US I felt God bring a change in my attitude towards how I viewed my role in our family….and I began the journey of what it truly meant to put my wife and kids before my own desires. Now that I write it out I’m wondering if it should be higher up the list!

Ok…so there’s the great stuff of the decade for me. I can’t believe how differently I’m starting this decade than I did the last. I can’t imagine having us much life-change in the next ten years as I have these past ten! My hope for the next 10 years is that I’ll continue to have a life that tells a story worth sharing. The plan is to live in such a way that I’ll easily be able to pick 10 things to share about in 2020! And maybe if I go to the Hair Club For Men or The Bosley Institute I’ll have as much hair in 2020 as I did in 2000!


Now that I’m gone

Published
by
Justin
on November 16, 2009
in Head to Fingers and Life
. 2 Comments

Now that my life is settled in one city, I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on all of the leaving that I’ve done over the past two years. To be honest, I think leaving is a really hard thing to do well. I don’t know how I would grade myself or my efforts on doing this well…and how I feel about it matters very little I guess. I wanted to put down some thoughts about leaving and also share some things I’ve been thinking about my past now that I’m not there anymore. Does that make sense?

I was looking at some pictures of a some friends from years past…they were together and we have long since gone. I saw their relationships and how they have been able to carry on over time. I was envious. I was happy for them, but I was sad that all of the leaving in my life, accompanied by arriving at new places with new relationships (that my justification for being bad at staying in touch) has fragmented a lot of friendships. While some people may romanticize a nomadic or often changing life, I’ve realized that it is really overrated. There needs to be a balance between being constantly challenged by new situations, and by being stuck in a rut. Both of these can hurt us maturing more fully. If we are never challenged to grow or adapt, then we miss out on how these things can form us. But if we are constantly changing and adapting we miss out on being in lasting community, and dealing with issues that can come up only over time. Not to mention that if leaving comes to easy, there might be something else going on. Am I running? Are bad relationships pushing me away? Have I not dealt with something I should deal with?

My new place of perspective gives me a chance to see old situations in new ways. To possibly re-interpret a scenario in light of what I’ve learned about myself since the event actually happened.

In one case, I have realized that a friend was telling me about something that was really cool, wanted me to be a part of it, and invited me into it, but I couldn’t hear him because of other things going on in our relationship. I couldn’t concede that his idea or invitation was really great because it would mean that I would have to give up some of my ‘rightness’ about other aspects of our relationship. The reality is that in a Nouwen book I was reading tonight, Henri was sharing about his experience at the very same place that my friend was trying to invite me to years ago. As I was reading about it, it hit me, “I could have learned a lot from these people if only I had accepted the invitation from my friend!” I missed out on being able to be a part of a unique opportunity because of my pride…and I missed out on learning more from my friend as well.

There are many more experiences like this that I could write about. Lessons I’ve learned about my own fear of taking responsibility for my own life, lessons about growing up, dealing with conflict, but this would end up really long. I guess my reason for sharing this stuff (other than just to write on my blog again) would be to challenge you to look back on the past seasons of your life. Look back on the choices that you made and the relationships that have gone well and not-so-well….we have a lot to learn from the experiences that God has given us. And more often than not, now that we’re away from our past, we’ll see more and more how God’s grace has covered over so many things!

The important part for me now is to remember to practice in the present what I’ve learned from the past. My good and bad experiences are all being redeemed over and over to equip me to live well in the present. If we’re not going to find healthy change in the present by looking at our past, then we shouldn’t bother looking back at all.


Neighborhood

Published
by
Justin
on September 23, 2009
in Head to Fingers
. 2 Comments

I love the neighborhood we live in. I think that this is important.

When Jesus talked about loving our neighbor, He gave us a tangible place to start and focus our love and blessing.

Our neighborhood is incredibly diverse and very active at almost all hours of the day. I’ve heard kids playing at 1:30am. I hear four or five languages when I walk down the street. In the square across the street there are groups of people hanging out that represent 3 continents. There are shop owners who have been here for what seems to be forever. The lady at the bakery across the street has just come home from a long holiday and it’s been cool to see how people are glad that she’s back. (After having her bread and sweets, I know why they are glad!) I like that people in our neighborhood recognize and greet us now. I like that I run into people who know my name.

I’m glad that we are making this place our home. I like that I feel like I’m in a village even though in reality I’m in the middle of an urban center of over 1.5 million people.

There are things that I don’t like about my neighborhood too…I don’t like that trash is collected at 1:30am. I don’t like that there are groups of teenagers that smoke hash in the square where my daughter plays during the day. I don’t like seeing people trying to steal from the shop across the street. I don’t like that people sell drugs around the corner. I don’t like that I often see purses that are abandoned on the ground after a thief has picked their way though the contents. I don’t like that there are times that I feel like I’m the target for stealing from! I don’t like that there are bicycle skeletons laying under bike racks after being picked at by human vultures.

But I’m glad to be making this place my home. Jesus talked about if we only love those who love us: those who make our life easier, better, more peaceful, then what credit is that to us? It’s love to the dealers, the thieves, the noisy, the irritating, the litterers, the bullies that test my faith. And testing it does…But it is the testing that grows me up to be who God intends for me to be: a conduit of His blessing and bringer of good news.

But I love my neighborhood. This place is my home. As a speaker I heard once say, “As the neighborhood goes…so I go.” This is the heart of living among a people. Being committed to a people. Being committed to exposing the Kingdom in a specific place. I think that this is important.

May God give our family wisdom, grace, patience, joy, and boldness as we love our neighbors…


Prayer and Sexuality

Published
by
Justin
on August 2, 2009
in Head to Fingers
. 3 Comments

Prayer and sex have more in common than we might think. To describe what I mean I’m going to talk more about sexuality, so if you don’t want to hear that, stop reading.

Sex is the most intimate act a person can do with another. There is complete openness, vulnerability, and nothing is hidden. When sex is happening according to the way God intended it to happen, it produces intimacy that makes marriage relationships stronger, more whole, and complete.

While God intended sex for good, it is often entangled with shame, power, control, self-centeredness, and recklessness. In many cultures and lives, sex has been robbed of it’s purity, and become an engine fueled by an individualistic and self-centered obsession with sex. Many confuse orgasm with sex and trade the intimacy of marriage, with masturbation and casual sex…if there is such a thing.

I believe we do this because we either fear the intimacy that ‘real sex’ brings, or because we’ve never experienced the intimacy of true self-sacrificial, life-giving, and positive self-revelation that holy sexuality brings. It is an issue of intimacy. We exchange what God intended sex to be for what man has altered it to be because it’s easier. It’s easier to avoid intimacy than it is to truly give yourself to another. It’s easier to run from another than it is to pursue relationship. It’s easier to look at another person as an object than is to treat them like they are a person like us. It’s easier to be self-sustaining and self-centered than to risk rejection.

The truth is that intimacy is a really scary thing. Nobody wants to bear their soul to have it rejected. Nobody wants to be themselves and then look foolish to another. So I understand why we would avoid intimacy: We don’t want to ask the question,

“Do you unconditionally love who I really am?”

to have someone say,

“No.”

So, enough about sex. Let’s talk about prayer. Prayer is a communal act in two ways: our communion with God and with others. I believe that these areas of communion are ultimately also intimacy issues. Our fear or inability to find intimacy in sexuality can also be fears that we experience in both community and individual prayer.

What if we try to talk with God and we don’t hear anything back? What if we pray out loud and look dumb or say something ‘not spiritual enough’? What if we ask something of God and he doesn’t give it? Does that mean he doesn’t love us? Or worse, isn’t really there?

So it’s easy to…just not pray. We avoid praying alone, but I’ve personally experienced a avoidance of initiating prayer in community. Or maybe just as toxic, we may begin to treat prayer as a discipline that we perform, but not really engage with. Or to treat prayer as a self-centered practice and treat God as an object to bend to our will.

Our ability to lean into our fear of or avoidance intimacy has a direct influence on the way that we are able to commune with God and others in prayer. (and our spouse in sex.)

Prayer is at it’s best when we are content being with God as we are, resting in His perfect acceptance of who we are. When we trust in the reality that God wants to commune with us we are free from performance anxiety, self-conscience speaking, and the need to appear perfect. We are free to be what God gave us freedom to be: ourselves.

One last thought: Our ‘intimacy quotient’ isn’t only an issue reserved for prayer and sex. It is ultimately an expression of how we feel about ourselves. If we desire wholeness then we must draw from a well that is deeper than we could ever drill. I believe that trusting in God’s unconditional grace and love for us is fundamental for us living in complete wholeness. It is on this foundation that we find our ability to discover intimacy…with God and others.


Small Choices

Published
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Justin
on July 8, 2009
in Head to Fingers
. 1 Comment

The other day I posted an entry that linked to “An Open Letter to Pastors”. I’ve been reading around more about Gary Lamb and I want to say that I’m really hurting for his situation. I’m thankful that he has a clear theology of grace and that he is open to talking about his mistakes. I really respect that he’s not hiding from the issue and is open to it. You can read about it on his blog: GaryLamb.org

As I was reading briefly through his blog I had two observations:
First one, this paragraph is devastating:

BTW, I will be posting another post this week that you don’t want to miss. I have received over 30 emails from pastors (all anonymous) confessing to be involved currently in sexual affairs. As I read these emails it was like someone punched me in the gut. NO ONE knows what you’re going through like I do and I want to give you guys the reality of what your involved in but I want to take some time to allow God to get my thoughts straight before I post.

It is amazingly sad to me that there are 30 church leaders who are currently hiding out in and living their lives in the darkness…I’m thankful that they’ve voiced (anonymously) there sin and they know it’s there. But I’m overwhelmed…I mean, these are just the guys that know about Gary…it’s scary to think how many there are. The affair bit is bothersome for obvious reasons…but the what is happening to these guys internally is the really sad thing for the Kingdom…
Second thing was this…And please know that I am not saying this to shame or belittle Gary as I respect what God has done through and what God is doing in him through this time…
Is this…if you look at his last three posts from top to bottom it goes:
1. Letter people about the consequences he’s paying for his actions
2. Confession online..that’s brave, it’s not an anonymous post…
3. It’s him celebrating 100 baptisms…
Here’s my thought on this: Ministry and work of the Kingdom can still appear like all is well, while leaders are internally dying. ‘Success’ in ministry is not a sin-repellant…if anything it’s the opposite.
I’ll end with this…please pray for me about this stuff. Honestly, I don’t struggle with a lot of ‘normal guy issues’ but this isn’t to say that I’m immune. The slope of moral failure is lots of small bad choices that lead to an apex…and the fallout of it is hard and fast. I don’t want to be a stat or a sad story. I don’t want another career. I don’t want to betray Jen and I’s covenant. I want Maisie to be able to trust her dad always…and this all begins in the small things. So pray that I make lots of really good small choices!


Famine

Published
by
Justin
on July 8, 2009
in Head to Fingers
. 1 Comment

Here is a great post by my friend Lisa. She uses a word that relates with her experience that I can’t use from my own. Here’s the address to her thoughts:

Let’s Put the Kettle On: The Famine and Michael

I’m having a hard time putting my head around the global celebration of a man whose life was flickering out in obscurity just months ago. Why is it that after a person is dead everyone talks about how important, meaningful, and great their lives were? Maybe if Michael Jackson had this kind of support before he died he wouldn’t have had the end of his be so isolating, estranged, and detached. But I guess talking about how great a person is after they are gone is a lot easier than taking up the responsibility and sacrifice that relationship requires. Once again…we come across the idea of famine, only this is the famine of substance that I think Lisa articulates so well…

(just to be certain you know this…my opinions don’t necessarily reflect Lisa’s)


Facebook is dead to me

Published
by
Justin
on June 13, 2009
in Head to Fingers
. 1 Comment

I’m tired of Facebook…this is rant about it.

I’m no longer a fan of everyone knowing stuff about me that I have accepted as a ‘friend’. Don’t you think that having a thousand ‘friends’ that you never see or share life cheapening the word? The word used to mean something…now it just means people that I’ve accepted to see my personal information and pictures online.

Facebook has a way of creating a sense of false connection in some relationships. Some interaction on Facebook is ‘real’ because it actually effects the real life I live day to day. But some interaction creates a weird sense of connection…I say weird because these connections don’t really connect with anything in the life that I touch on a daily basis. Like does it really matter when I write things like, “Justin is going to bed.” Or “Justin is getting ready to eat lunch.” While it is good to get in touch with people around the world, I just don’t think that getting play-by-play of people’s lives is really creating a real relationship. Information and knowledge about someone is not relationship with someone. Even information that builds on actual relationship is easily skewed because words created on a web page are not a replacement for the person.

I believe that this false sense of knowing is actually harmful to the development of real relationships in our daily lives.

Facebook is a networking tool that I enjoy, but when we look to it for a sense of relationship it can displace us from reality. Why would I want to spend time reading the status updates of people whom I never see, when my daughter is sitting on the floor wanting to play with me? Or when my neighbor needs help moving? Or when I could be playing guitar? If I really wanted to learn about how a friend a doing, how is reading their status update a good replacement for picking up the phone or meeting for coffee?

I don’t want to be extremist or anything, but I do want to be honest with myself about how well I am actually doing engaging with the world around me. Virtual reality will never replace actual reality.