The other week Jen and I got to go to the beach while visiting Valencia, Spain. The beach with Maisie is much more fun now that she’s a bit older! The last time she just kinda laid under the umbrella! But this time we went down to close to the water and started to dig a hole together. What started as a hole became a castle that ‘we’ were building together. As we were building this mini-kingdom of sand together a number of things were going through my mind about the spiritual kingdom that we’re also building. I’m not so sure I want to draw any conclusions to my story, so I’ll just tell it and let you see the metaphors you see…
As we were building this castle ‘together’ Maisie was doing her thing. She was taking up handfuls of mushy sand and putting them in other places. She would even attempt to put the sand on top of the little towers we had made. But there were times where she was kind of missing the point…you would think that at the old age of one and a half and with all of 3 beach trips under her belt she would be a pro castle builder, but she’s not. She was digging out sand from outside of the walls and putting the sand inside of the walls. I was quickly realizing that I was the one building the castle and Maisie was just actively participating…her real contribution wasn’t in what she did or didn’t do. Or in what she did or didn’t accomplish. The point is that we were doing something together. Regardless of her contribution, I found joy in working together because she is my daughter.
Castles made of sand are never meant to last forever. Eventually, the water wins. Our castle did ok. We built it in a spot where the sand was still wet, but water would still get to it. Our first rush of water didn’t make Maise too happy. Not really because of what it did to the castle, but because it got her! She wasn’t a big fan of the Mediteranean water taking residence in her diaper and creating goose bumps on her legs. Despite Maisie’s situation, the castle held up pretty well! The mote was filled with water and the walls didn’t get completely destroyed. But there was some maintenance to be done and we learned some things about how to better handle the next wave.
Eventually, we had done all we could do…or had the patience to do…and we went back up to the blanket to eat lunch. As we walked away, I got a different perspective on our tiny, one building, kingdom. While working on it close up I thought that it looked pretty good, but seeing it from a distance proved that I was wrong. One tower was all crooked, and it was much smaller than I thought. But it was what it was…and Maisie and I did it together. I had fun and she had fun….and it’s a memory I’ll hold on to.
While watching people walk by I saw them look at our castle. Some almost didn’t see it (see paragraph above) and almost stepped on it. Other kids did see and looked like they wanted to step on it. Part of me wanted to yell, “Hey! Watch out!” or “Don’t even think about stepping on that! It’s mine!” The truth is…that castle is only owned by time…and wanting to hold on to or preserve it was nearly futile.
I just decided that it’s better to be grateful for what it was, knowing that Maisie and I will build many more castles together.
Maybe even bigger ones.
Today I did my best to be a good dad/husband. Jen and her mom hadn’t had much time to spend together…So they asked me (should’ve offered to score even more points!) to hang out with Maisie and Kylie so they could get some mom and daughter time. So off we went in the car, hoping that Maisie would fall asleep so that I could get some work done. But she didn’t. So we went to Chick-fil-A…that was a good decision. Then we went to a park after Maisie would not, once again, fall asleep in the car. This was also a good decision.
But here’s the event that spawned this post…Jen asked me around 4pm if I had changed Maisie’s diaper. Guilty…didn’t even think about it! Then Maisie added another something else to the mix in her diaper and it was just time…no further delay…I knew, Jen knew, and Maisie even knew it. When I got out the changing pad Maisie came running up and laid down on it…with a look on her face like, “Oh goodie…time to finally get this poop out of here!” At 18 months, my little one knows when something should not be around.
Why is that we as adults lose the ability to be able to identify and leave behind the crap that is lingering in our lives? I’m inspired by my daughter to be overjoyed about getting rid of stuff in my life that just doesn’t belong.
For the past few nights Maisie has not slept well at all…I mean, it’s been brutal. Jen has been having a rough time. And it was getting frustrating. She would suddenly get pretty high fevers and she was teething like crazy….like four teeth coming in at a the same time. Not cool for her. Certainly not cool for us.
So Jen ended up taking Maisie into a clinic yesterday and we found out that she has an ear infection. I, being the compassionate dad, was trying to tell Jen, “It’s no big deal. She’s just teething and it’ll be fine.” There’s a reason God gives women more intuition than men…we would waste and our insensitivity would overrun it anyway! Now, Maisie is doing better and has some anti-biotics. She was back to her feisty little self today…took a long nap (yes!) and even spent a few hours sans mom without losing it.
But here is what I’m learning through this…We all have issues. We all have our emotional ‘ear infections’…we could call this emotional infections. There are two ways to deal with them: My way: ignore it and pretend it’s something else. I think most of like to do this. In my case, I didn’t want Maisie to go to a clinic because I didn’t want to pay for it. I didn’t want to have to learn it could be worse…We do this with our own stuff too. We don’t want to deal with what’s real because it might be even worse than we think. Or we don’t want to deal with it because it may cost us too much to deal with what is going on. The sad thing is that our pain, if not dealt with, can become normal and we forget that we ever existed in a world without our wounds. We get so good at deceiving others of what is going on, that we start to even believe it ourselves.
The second way is to deal with our things in the light: Something doesn’t feel right and therefore we need to discover what is causing the un-rightness. It is worth confronting the fear of the unknown in order to have hope that what is going on can be redeemed. I know from recent experience that dealing with issues straight on is painful. It is not easy and does not help us ‘look good’, for those of us who feel like we have to wear the mask of everything being ‘fine.’ I had many days where I wished that I could be the together person…the person with all the right answers and all the right things to say. But engaging in the issues that we were facing was exhausting and confusing at times. But by grace, God gave us what we needed when we needed it in order to bring our stuff into the light. And to deal with them there…in the place where we acknowledge with God and others what is going on.
It’s freaky to really pursue what’s going on inside of us when something is telling us that what’s there isn’t all good. But regardless of whether we seek it out or not, it’s still there. It’s the way in which we deal with them that makes the difference. In the book of 1 John, John urges us to walk in the light as God is in light. If we were to apply this passage to this topic, then it becomes an issue of obedience and spiritual vitality to deal with what what is going on in our lives.
So, this is the stuff that I get reminded of when I am in the process of being a negligent parent!
I remember a while ago when I wrote about how Maisie was learning to crawl on parquet floor. How she would sometimes slip up and bang her head or sit back too fast and roll over. You can read the post here if you want to…
But now our little Maiser’s has learned how to walk. It happened in an instant. She had taken her first steps a month or so ago, but had no interest in going vertical. All of the sudden she started walking around…But she still hasn’t quite gotten it down yet.
If you’ve not seen or held Maisie lately (which probably makes up most of you since I like to keep her locked up… where she’ll remain until she’s 30), what you are missing is the fact that she is skiiiiny. She is a tall little thing, but she don’t got much fat on dem bones. Height + no meat on bones + still falling to the ground on her rear = hurting. I’m no doctor, but from where this dad sits, this looks painful after a while. I feel so bad for her when the only thing catching her little spills is a puffy layers of Pampers.
But it has to happen.
Walking is one those things that nobody can learn for you. You learn by experiencing it and taking the bumps and bruises along the way.
I think that following Jesus, must be like this. So often, many of us would prefer (and attempt) to let others walk with Jesus for us. We allow ourselves to believe that if we know about the journey then we are on the journey. Nuh uh…That ain’t happening.
Thinking about this is making me thankful for the sores that following Christ has left…The ones that He is helping me heal from, and helping me learn from. Sometimes I’m ticked off at Jesus that he lets me fall…or fall again the same way that I thought that I had learned to avoid. But…I don’t think that babies have an acute sense of their babiness…like we disciples don’t have a clear picture as to how undiscilply we live sometimes…maybe the word is undisciplined…I don’t know.
It will be interesting to see how this stream of thought may take on new shapes as Maisie learns to run, jump, and climb…Well she has climbed onto the couch a few times…those long legs are good for something at her age!
I remember so clearly when Jen and I gave Maisie solid food for the first time. Avocado. She’s always been skinny, so we were trying to fatten her up…and it’s a good first food for babies if you didn’t know. The look on her face was hilarious and she didn’t really know what to do, but she learned…thankfully.
Then she moved on to wanting to feed herself. We would give her bits of banana which she would smash up in her hands and smear all over her face. As one who previously didn’t like to touch others’ food this took a bit getting used to. But now I find myself liking the yogurt off of my fingers after wiping it from her face.
She caught on pretty quick to the fact that we used a utensil to put most foods into her mouth…even at 13 months she has some control issues (like her dad) and she wants to hold the little plastic spoon or fork herself. This gets really interesting when we let her attempt this with yogurt. Last night we were sitting down to eat and she had her little plastic fork in hand and sure enough…she poked one her little raviolis and put it in her mouth.
As I was watching all of this the past few months I got to thinking about how God watches us grow up…When we learn to take steps of faith, or when we make right decisions of faithfulness…I wonder if God is as excited about this stuff as I am about Maisie stuffing raviolis in her mouth with fork? Even when Maisie smears yogurt on her face with the spoon I get excited about her putting two and two together…I can’t help but believe that God loves even the smallest trusting steps, even ones that end up a mess. There is something that happens on a deeper growth level when…When we put belief (two) and behavior (two) together…
Maisie’s Cup Cake, originally uploaded by justinpowell.
This year has taught me a lot…revealed parts of me that I didn’t know existed. I’ve seen both extraordinary tenderness (well, for me) and also extraordinary impatience! The thing that I have (internally) loved the most about my year with Maisie is the many ways that I have learned about God by being a dad. I’ve experienced unconditional love and being proud of someone just for being. I know what it’s like to want life’s best for another person and being committed to seeing that happen. I’ve felt the tension between trying to be protective and also giving Maisie a bit of room to learn on her own…i.e. learning how to crawl and sit up on a wooden floor!
The list could go on and on about the ‘outside’ things that I have loved…Seeing Maisie crawl, sleep, laugh, cry, eat vegetables, take her first steps, get teeth, try to make sentences, figure out a sippy cup, make calls on our cells phones, etc…I loved walking through Paris with Maisie in the poussette. I loved seeing her try to figure people out. I loved going down into the metro and trying to figure out how to wade through all the people with a stroller…’trying’ being the operative word.
Looking back, it seems like she’s been in the family a short while and forever at the same time.
This year has also taught me a lot about my wife. After Jen gave birth to Maisie I realized something that I never thought I would say: Jen is much tougher than me and could easily kick my butt if she had to. Seriously though…I’ve seen in her and Maisie’s relationship why I would love to relate to God as a mother as well as a father. Jen’s commitment and care of Maisie is unbelievable. I am so proud of how Jen ‘mothers’ Maisie and I love to see the bond that they have. Their unique love is cool to witness and I am so thankful for Jen.
So the first year is in the books and I can’t even begin to describe what it’s been like. I don’t feel like this post does that a good a job! How do you describe a little life that is indescribable? I think that a year with Maisie is the one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received…thanks God.
Maisie is starting to learn to crawl. She slides herself around the parquet floor with more and more ease everyday. The parquet is helpful for her sliding, but as a parent it kind of freaks me out. Parquet is not soft. It is not forgiving when Maisie rolls over, loses strength in her neck and bangs her little head. I am always watching as she teeters on her hip, entering the danger zone of head bonking.
Today I was watching (as I am at this moment) and I was ready to jump and put my hand under her head as she rolled over. Sure enough…she rolled over…and my hand was there. But her little head never hit my hand. She had learned…”keep my head up when I roll over and I won’t bump my head” I guess the falls that she did have helped her learn an important lesson in crawling on parquet…
When we go through life I’m sure that God sits by wanting to stop us from banging out heads, yet He knows that experience is the best way to learn…not by him always hovering over us…
Yet we pray for safety.
We seek safety as a premium.
We seek safety as proof of God’s blessing.
I think the greatest blessing that God gives us is maturity…the Bible, and Church history, reveal that it is through the hard experiences (aka suffering) that we grow and have our faith developed…which, in turn, God uses to produce eternal results…
While it is painful to see my little ‘Maisers’ bump her head, it is a true joy (and my real job as a parent) to help her grow up to be a mature person…learning over and over from her experiences.
Over the past 7 months I’ve realized that there is nothing like being a dad. Day after day I get to see my little baby grow and experience new things, and we celebrate each little sign of growth and discovery. Maisie now has the strength to sit up on her own and she has become quite content to sit on her mat and play with all of her little toys…chattering away at each one of them.
On Wednesday I sat in my chair and watched her play for a little while. I was so amused to watch her do the simplest of things…grabbing her orange hanging flower, or pulling rings off of the little cone. Sometimes she would lose her balance and fall over. But this didn’t stop her from playing. She rolled over onto her belly and somehow wriggled around to find a new toy. I am so proud of how she is learning and teaching herself…but to her…it’s just playing. But to me, as a dad, I am so proud of how she is learning and growing to experience the life around her.
I wonder, do we bring God the same amount of joy and pride when we simply play? I’m sure that He delights in us as we find joy in the simple things of His creation. I’m sure that God celebrates the victories of growth in our lives…even the ones we don’t see. I’m sure God sees us as I see my little girl…A long way to being grown up, but every step is a victory.
I’m reminded of this verse in Philippians (2:13)
For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
It seems as though it’s God who gives us the desire to play, to do what brings us joy, because in the end, He finds ‘good pleasure’ in seeing us live the life He gave us.
As we were building this castle ‘together’ Maisie was doing her thing. She was taking up handfuls of mushy sand and putting them in other places. She would even attempt to put the sand on top of the little towers we had made. But there were times where she was kind of missing the point…you would think that at the old age of one and a half and with all of 3 beach trips under her belt she would be a pro castle builder, but she’s not. She was digging out sand from outside of the walls and putting the sand inside of the walls. I was quickly realizing that I was the one building the castle and Maisie was just actively participating…her real contribution wasn’t in what she did or didn’t do. Or in what she did or didn’t accomplish. The point is that we were doing something together. Regardless of her contribution, I found joy in working together because she is my daughter.
Eventually, we had done all we could do…or had the patience to do…and we went back up to the blanket to eat lunch. As we walked away, I got a different perspective on our tiny, one building, kingdom. While working on it close up I thought that it looked pretty good, but seeing it from a distance proved that I was wrong. One tower was all crooked, and it was much smaller than I thought. But it was what it was…and Maisie and I did it together. I had fun and she had fun….and it’s a memory I’ll hold on to.
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