Today I drove down to Paris with my friend Klaus. He was coming down for a few days and offered to let me tag along…and who can pass up a trip to Paris?
The last time I was here was in February, but while we were here then we didn’t even make it up to our the neighborhood we called home. Tonight I am staying at my friend Björn’s place and he lives really close to where we did. So, I walked up to my old neighborhood for the first time in 15 months.
To be honest, I felt like I was walking home. It was cold so I stopped to get a café at our old hang out Place Verte. The irony is that I wanted to watch people so bad that I sat outside! As I sat there, I could remember the times that Jen and I sat there when she was pregnant, the times that we sat there when Maisie was just days old, the times that we sat there with friends, and the time that we saw a near knife fight!
But the hardest part on my walk was going to our old apartment…This is the last place that we called home. From the street, I could see in the windows. I could see the shades that I hung up on the doors…aparently the people who live there now like them too. I could see the mirror that I stood in front of when I sang Maisie to sleep as a newborn. I could imagine exactly how the place looked while we were there. It was if I was standing outside of my own home…except it hasn’t been our home in while.
I had a hard time walking away from looking inside my window. Seeing that place reminded me of the memories that I have of our lives there. The laughter, the tears, the first days of Maisie’s life, the parties, the life we had in that place, and the ways in which Jen and I came together in difficult times. There were people hanging out in the living room and I could easily imagine the times that we hung out with our friends in that same space. We had a lot of conversations there that shaped who I am now. Both challenging and encouraging.
I didn’t want to walk away from remembering these times…they were so rich with life…but I think I was starting to look creepy standing outside and staring into this building!
As I walked away I prayed that God would help my mind go back here and cherish all the life we had there. And I heard God say, “If you think that was good, wait until you see what’s next.”
Did you really hear God say that? Because it basically made me bawl. I love you Justin and I am jealous that you got to go back there, but I am also happy that I didn’t have to. I miss you so much. xoxo
Justin, this was such a soft hearted post. It made my eyes well up as I remember the Christmas tree it took a while to find, and the decorations, and the bakery around the corner where I ordered by myself in French, feeling very dumb. I remember the walk into the market and our sensories being attacked by many smells and noises. I remember eating meals around your little table and watching the kids outside your balcony walk to school, brightly festooned in scarves and hats. Yes, I’m sure God is preparing your next home and you’ll be amazed.
This is a beautiful post. I have tears in my eyes because I can see you standing there and looking and thinking. I’m so glad that you were able to go back to ponder because you left in such a rush and now you can give more closure to that chapter in your life. The best part of the post was your last sentence. Yes, I believe that God has so much more in store for you and your sweet family — “more than all we ask or imagine, acoording to His power that is at work within us.”
Justin, this is a touching, well-written post. Thanks for sharing your heart on the page. God is always bringing us onward and upward. You are right. Great things He has in store.
For real…you are a poet and I miss you my friend. Thank you for sharing your life with us and mainly me…as selfish as that may seem, i’ll own it.