In my last post…a lot of people chimed in…I’m really glad about that and thanks for all of you who contributed…not all of us are coming from the same place or ending at the same place, but that’s ok and the dialogue will hopefully land us closer to Jesus in the end.
So, Jeremy made a comment about life when we were younger that got me thinking about my life as a kid. I wanted to share some of my thoughts on that…
I think that every generation thinks two things: 1. This is the evilist of all generations. And 2. If you are a follower of Jesus, that this world is sooo bad that He’s coming back in our time. Seriously, people from every generation since Christ have thought this…each one more certain than the last.
I think in our time we have more mediums for bad things to happen, but in an upside down world like ours, the potential for sin is just as great 1000 years ago as it is today. The reality is that we have always had to be wise, engaged, and involved in our kids lives. Sheltering our kids from the world is an illusion. Our power/witness/influence in this world won’t come from how well we shelter our kids from what’s not good, right, and true. It will come through teaching our kids how to find and choose Jesus while they navigate the pain in this world that is sure to come. Jesus never once promises us physical safety, physical protection, or physical comfort…it’s our ability to find these spiritual realities in an upside down physical world that will be our true sign to others that He is with us and there is a difference in our souls. Simply trying to avoid pain or what is ugly in this world (which may just be the opportunity to discern right from wrong) will not get us the results we hope for.
So…now on to what I intended to write…
When I was living in Indiana we lived on a street with some rough kids…they smoked, drank, listened to Beasie Boys, mooned my mom, talked about sex, had pornography, watched Nighmare on Elm Street, fought, cussed, flipped off my dad, and stole. And these are my memories from when I was 9. Sure, I got into some trouble with these guys…like throwing a log through a window and breaking into an unlocked mobile home to drink their 7-up. All growing up I went to public school with ‘all the sinners’…heard a bunch of stuff that kids shouldn’t be talking about, saw a bunch of things that I shouldn’t have seen…said and did a bunch of things I probably shouldn’t have said or did! Through all of this I think my parents did a bunch of things really well…What they didn’t do was try and remove me from the environment I was in. Looking back, I can see how they helped me navigate where I was and the issues I was facing…
1. They communicated to me very clearly what was right and wrong about what I was seeing.
2. They instilled in me a sense of self and encouraged me to be myself and to be an example, not a follow the crowd.
3. They stayed engaged in my world.
4. They knew my friends and welcomed them into our world.
5. They helped remind me that Jesus was more important to ‘impress’ than my friends.
Now, I screwed this up a lot…especially in college. But they gave me the tools to figure things out on my own instead of trying to manage my ‘life-experience’. I greatly appreciate them for this! (among other things!)
So, back to the ideas in my head…My hope in talking about this is that we’ll all wrestle with how our families will be the kingdom of God in our worlds. If we only change the places we go, the things we watch, the things we read, and miss out on figuring out how to love, trust, give grace, forgive, and be free, then we’ve missed the point. But if we do learn to trust Jesus, love others, forgive ourselves and others, be rich with grace and forgiveness, and experience the freedom we have in Jesus while living in this world, then we truly give honor to God and express gratitude for what He has done in and for us.
Ok…this post is long enough…
Ok…one more thing: Why does God keep us on this earth with it being as messed up as it is? What can we learn about His trust in us and purpose for us through this?
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Fascinating to read an alternative perspective on education to the one I have previously experienced in the US. I have American friends who extol the virtues of Christian schools and home schooling but it has always made me uneasy. I am all for protecting kids from harm and ensuring that they get the best education but, from what I have seen, it can result in control and, in effect, brain washing.
Several particular concerns struck me (1) the system seems to be designed to prevent genuine enquiry that could threaten a pre-ordained position. The most obvious example, though not the only one is evolution; (2) It can be used to ensure that girls grow up to bake cookies rather than be nuclear scientists. Don’t get me wrong - we need cookies!! but I have seen Christian education being used to close off options for girls (3) The degree of control can be used to ensure that abuse is covered up. (4) On issues such as sex and dating, I am concerned that the strict, no questions or dissent allowed approach leads to teenagers being unable to voice legitimate questions and to issues being driven underground. Indeed, I met a Christian who had taken her child out of a Christian school for this reason.
this post brought back all sorts of memories for me. when i was growing up, we learned as children, the moral values of all we did. however, out in our rural community i remember that so many more of our neighbors had an education of a different sort…beer drinkers across the street, and kids that swore. may not sound like big stuff, but the ourada kids would NEVER consider it! we played outdoors til waaay late at night, and dodged ‘cow pies’ as we skidded toward the bases in the neighbor’s field. there were occasions for me to get in lots of trouble…and sometimes i did…a little bit (kissing the neighbor boy behind the shed…but didn’t have a clue as to how to do it, so he wasn’t tempted to take it any farther).
the way my parents brought me up came back around after i did all the stupid things in my early 20’s. i’m grateful for my experiences (for the most part), but more grateful that it was the influence of my family which brought me back to the place of understanding Jesus and seeing Him through their perspective. though i attended catholic school in my elementary years, it was the following years that really defined the person God wanted me to be….
Wow. I am really falling in love with your blog Justin. Jason thinks I should marry it. I just might…but then would I be considered a polygamist?
Anyway, I really enjoyed this post Justin. I loved your bullet points about what your parents did to help you “navigate where you were and the issues you were facing”. This is something that Jason and I strive to do with our kids as well. Number 4 was probably something that I needed to read the most. (And actually strive to do). I have had such a bad attitude when it comes to the neighborhood kids. If they are good kids and polite, I engage them and ask them questions about themselves, but if they drive me up the wall and are rude and don’t seem to have boundaries or are disrespectful, I seem to ignore them and go into a room where they are NOT. Which is horrible. I know. My patience level needs to be worked on big time. But I also realized while reading that bullet point was that THOSE are actually the kids that I need to engage in more than the others. As they have the bigger influence on my son in more of a negative light. I need to see what is going on at all times, what their interests are and actually talk to them about their lives rather than shutting them out because they bug me. Anyway…yes, I am brutally honest. Judge if you must people…but whatever. At least I am real with my faults and work on them. (did I just get defensive?) Okay…sorry…this is your blog Justin. Thanks for it!
So Amy, I was reading your comment and I would take that whole brining the annoying, disrespectful kids into your home to another level. Not only will they influence your child, but you have the opportunity to influence THEM. This is something that Justin’s parents have done as well, especially to Nate’s friends. The kids that didn’t have family, they invited them into their own home. I hope I am like that, but I know it will be a struggle. Hopefully I can work on that now in little areas, so that when Maisie starts bringing friends over, I will be able to really engage with them. LOVE YOU!
hey Justin!
i haven’t read anything yet but your emails and your blogs look tight.
just checking in.
much love,
b