As you can probably tell from the title, this won’t be the funniest thing I’ve ever written! But a thought I’ll at least chew on.
When I was growing up I experienced the same amount of sadness that most kids feel. The death of grandparents. My group of friends breaking up as our lives went different ways. Problems with girls…etc. For some reason, whenever I was sad, my dog knew. She would come to where I was sitting and put her little black head on my knee and stare off to the side as if the eye contact would just be too much. Ella is a good dog.
But babies are different than dogs…I’m coming to learn. Apart from not pooping in the back yard, they don’t detect sadness in the same way. Today was not a day where I experienced bundles of happiness. That’s ok as happiness comes and goes. But I was a bit sad for some reason.
As I was holding Maisie, her little body screaming in my arms, I asked her, “Do you care that Daddy is sad?”
She just screamed some more.
Then I said, “You’re too all about yourself to realize that I am even sad.”
It was in this moment that I realized that there are times in my life when I am too much about myself to realize the emotions that God must have when He looks over His creation. Sure, it’s not always like this, and God, in some way, probably can experience a mix of emotions at the same time in a way that I can’t understand. But in a time with wars being fought for power, hunger being ignored by the healthy, poverty being forgotten by the rich, dictators being hung for the world to see, the environment being destroyed by greed, etc…I can’t imagine how God must feel…and how I am all too often all about myself to even realize it.
Justin…that made me sad…You’re right; we’re too about ourselves, and yet have the capability to realize wrongs done and grieve for having to process it. Sometimes it would be nice to have life like Maisie again, unaware of life’s edges, focused on (and taking in) the need for comfort and support…and that’s it. You’re deep, introspective and an incredible son-in-law (husband and father).
A thought for you . . . sometimes our little ones cry extra hard because they sense the emotions of their parents. Perhaps she was being sad with her daddy the only way she’s able to express it. Babies are amazing that way. My daughter was definitely emotionally sensitive to me as a baby - and even now as a 10 year old. As a baby she would cry if I was stressed or sad, as a 10 year old she offers me hugs or chocolate.
In my humble experience, babies are so very able to pick up on undercurrents of emotion and sensitivities. The world is completely new, they experience things for the first time daily . . . hourly even! We older folk have so much going on in the background, so many other cares and concerns and life experiences that we have, I think, developed certain a callousness to the minute details of . . . existing. I think babies can be much more like dogs this way, only dogs don’t cry. My dog (although a good dog in his own right) can be extra obnoxious if I’m even silently stressed or agitated. He’ll start barking his fool head off, spinning in circles. ‘What’s wrong Mom, What’s wrong! Woof Woof!! You’re stressing me out so I need to be very vocal about this! Woof Woof!! pant pant pant.’ Good dog - but obnoxious in his insight. Blessings to you —- you’ll be a wonderful father.
Wow, Justin. Thanks for the insight even through such sadness. It’s amazing what God teaches when we’re not expecting it. You and Jen have been a great example and encouragement to us as we read your blogs. I miss you guys!